Do you ever say something out loud and then think to yourself, "Who the hell have I become?" Here's some of the stupid mom crap that I find myself saying on the regular, with a nice translation of what I'm actually thinking.
What I say: Calm your body
What I'm thinking: How do you have so much energy at nine o'clock at night?!? Stop thrashing around and lie still!!!
What I say: Listen to my words
What I'm thinking: If I have to say the same thing one more time, I'm going to lose my shit!
What I say: Sit on your bottom
What I'm thinking: Stop standing/climbing on every thing in sight!
What I say: Use your words
What I'm thinking: Stop talking like a fucking baby! (directed to the four year old, not the actual baby)
What I say: I need you to...
What I'm thinking: I want to directly tell him what to do, but all the gentle parenting crap I've read says to use "I" statements
What I say: We don't talk like that
What I'm thinking: HAHA, that was hilarious! I'm totally posting that on Facebook later :)
Funny... There should be a Wife Speak version too ;)
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