More Than A Number

Every major milestone in my life has a number attached to the memory.

Freshman Year Prom- 148
High School Graduation- 168
College Graduation- 195
January 4, 2005 (the day I started Weight Watchers)- 196
My Wedding Day- 136
The day I found out I was pregnant with H- 155
The day I gave birth to H- 188
The day I found out I was pregnant with J- 161
The day I gave birth to J- 198
The day I started the 24 day challenge- 174
Day 11- 169.6
This morning- 170.2

I know that I'm more than a number, that my worth is not defined by the number on the scale. But these numbers burned so deeply into my memories that I can't seem to forget.

Struggles

Sunday was hard. I mean really hard. I was tired, I was cranky and I was emotional... and nothing felt like it was going right. I wanted to eat so bad. It wasn't that I was hungry (you've seen what I eat on a daily basis), but that's how I've dealt with hard days for as long as I can remember. When I'm stressed, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm bored, I eat... You get the picture.

I don't expect everyone to understand what I'm talking about here, but seperating my emotions from food has been the hardest part of this journey so far. Sure, I miss eating some of my favorite foods (mmmm....nachos), but it's more than that. I miss the instant relief that I get when I eat for comfort. I miss the experience and ritual connected to eating. I miss the social connection of eating with friends and family.

I was excited to begin this life change, but now that the newness is wearing off I feel a little really lost. I imagine this is what it feels like when someone who is addicted to drugs makes the decision to become clean. I know that I need to find healthy ways to relieve stress, to comfort myself and to connect with those that I love. I need to discover new activites to do with my family that don't involve stopping for ice cream or a Happy Meal (don't judge). Most importantly, I know that I need to be kind to myself and to be patient- this will all take time.

Please share, what do you do to take care of yourself?

Check In

Since I have a few days of eating differently under my belt I wanted to check in about how things are going. (I'm a social worker, so the term check in gets used on the regular).

What I'm Eating
For the first three days of the challenge I basically ate the same exact thing. Partially, I was anxious about making this change and sticking to a plan, but I also did a bunch of food prep on Sunday, so this is what I had readily available. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with the plan, and have mixed things up a bit, but generally here's what I eat on an average day.

Breakfast

8 egg whites (yes 8!)

1/2 cup black beans

1/2 cup diced peppers and onions

Morning Snack

1/4 cup almonds

1 nectarine

Lunch

1-2 cups mixed greens with cucumbers and red peppers

4 oz salmon

1/2 cup chick peas

Lemon juice or balsamic vinegar for dressing

 

Afternoon Snack

2 tbs natural peanut butter

1 apple

Dinner

4-5 oz turkey breast

1/2 cup brown rice

1 cup roasted broccoli

Evening Snack

Smoothie- 1 cup frozen fruit combined with 1/2 cup almond milk

As you can see, I'm eating frequently and taking in plenty of food! I plugged this average day into My Fitness Pal and I'm meeting all of my daily nutritional needs and still staying around 1600 calories (I'm still nursing, so I can't restrict too much). Previously, I was eating over closer to 2000 calories, but the volume of food was much lower and I was not getting nearly the nutrients I needed.

What I Miss
I'm not going to pretend this change has been all unicorns farts and rainbows. During the week, I'm often driving from one meeting to another, and I'd gotten into the habit of stopping for a cup of coffee or soda almost daily. I think it's the ritual more than the actual beverages that I miss, but it's been tough not to stop. To keep myself on track, I'm trying to focus on the amount of money I'm saving (about $10 per week, if not more). Dear Husband, please skip this next part- I'm looking forward to the fun things I'll be able to buy with the money I'm saving. Smaller clothes hopefully!

What I'm Learning
Real food tastes good.
Eating healthy takes practice and planning.
I feel better (physically and emotionally) when I eat healthy foods.
I have a strong emotional attachment to food.

Taking the Challenge

I've been feeling pretty unhealthy for awhile now. It seems like every Monday I make the same promise to myself- to do better, to eat good and I would... for a couple of days. Then I'd make a poor food choice, get a major case of the fuck-its and stop paying attention to what I put into my mouth. A bagel here, McDonald's there, two bottles of hard cider after dinner- you get the picture. I wasn't just off the wagon, I was dragging behind it by my feet.

Before my wedding, I was really in a groove- I lost 56 pounds by doing Weight Watchers. I was able to easilly maintain my weight between 140 and 150 pounds. But then life happened: I got married, I lost my mother, I carried two beautiful sons, I canceled my gym membership, and I used all sorts of excuses to feed my feelings and pack on the pounds. This time around, I've tried counting colories and points, using apps and food journals, but I just haven't been able to get to that mental place that I need to be in to eat healthy foods and more importantly, to stick with it. Oddly, I'm not even that unhappy with my weight (I'm still about 25 pounds less than my highest college weight of 197) but I'm feeling ridiculously tired all.the.time and uncomfortable in most of my clothes (and my skin for that matter!). I'm at the point where I'm ready to feel healthier.

I wanted a hobby, so I'm creating one- taking care of ME. Today I started the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. I vow to be brutally honest as I document my experience over the next 24 days. While there are supplements involved, the challenge is really about eating real foods for the purpose of fueling your body. This is meant to be a new way of life, not a fad diet.

Starting Stats:

Weight- 174 pounds
Chest- 41.5 inches
Waist- 34.5 inches
Hips- 45.75 inches
Thigh- 24 inches
Pants Size- 14

All in the name of accountability, folks!

WISH ME LUCK!

Simple Crock Pot Chili

As the days get cooler, I find myself craving warm comfort foods. I often use Sunday as my "cooking day." I'll make a big meal that we can enjoy that night making sure to add enough for leftovers for lunches during the week. This chili is so simple, delicious, affordable (I've included prices) and low in fat and calories. Disclaimer: On the cooking scale, I consider myself somewhere between Rachael Ray and Sandra Lee, but if you're not into pre-packaged convenience foods, I'm sure you can substitute fresh options.

Ingredients:

Pay no attention to the bottles of wine in the background

 

 20 oz lean ground turkey ($3.99)
1 small onion, diced ($.49)
1 small bell pepper, diced ($.69)
1 packet low-sodium taco seasoning ($.79)
1 can of corn, drained ($.67)
2 cans low sodium beans, drained and rinsed- I use one can of black and one can of red, but feel free to mix things up ($1.98)
3 cans diced tomatoes, include one can with chilis or jalapeños to add a little heat ($2.67)

Grand Total: $11.28 for over 10 cups!

Cook the turkey until no longer pink, drain off any liquid and mix everything together. The great thing about using the crock pot is that you can vary the cooking time based on how long it takes you to get your shit together much time you have available. I didn't get this started until noon, so I set the crockpot on high. But if you're a real go-getter, this could simmer on low all day. I threw together some cornbread (from a mix) and added a little low fat shredded cheese. Dinner was a hit with 75% of us (per usual)!  

 

What are your favorite recipes for fall?



First Day of Preschool

We've been preparing for this day for months, talking often about how much fun preschool is going to be. Aside from waking up to a flat tire and wrestling with a freaking car seat, drop off went so much better than anticipated. I could not be prouder!