I know some parents get really into it. Like REALLY into it, so into it that there are websites and blogs and Pinterest pages and Instagram accounts all dedicated to the Motherf#ck!ng Elf on a Shelf. More power to you all, I genuinely mean that. But, you guys, I just can't... and here's a few reasons why:
1. I have enough shit to worry about. Including, but not limited to: making peanut-free meals that my preschooler will actually eat, remembering to pack the library book on Wednesday, finding said library book, getting to work on time(ish), making sure my house is clean enough to avoid being condemned, folding laundry (so.much.laundry!), grocery shopping, cooking, exercising, fetching goldfish (the cracker kind), bathing my kids at least weekly... you get the picture. I'm fucking busy!
2. If you do it once, you have to do it FOREVER! Or at least until your kids stop believing in Santa, and I just can't handle that kind of commitment.
3. I'm not imaginative, or crafty, or anything like that. I would move the thing from one boring place to another... I doubt my kids would be very impressed.
4. Any "mischief" that the elf gets him/herself into will need to be cleaned up by yours truly. I'm not going to intentionally sprinkle flour on the floor and make little elfy footprints, or dump a bag of marshmallows on the table because the elf wanted hot chocolate at midnight. No, just no.
5. If I ever did participate, I'd probably end up doing something like this:
So, it's probably better that we just stick with a crummy chocolate advent calendar.