As parents we constantly encounter differing opinions when it comes to parenting: breast is best, formula is fine, co-sleeping, bedsharing, crib only, cry it out, attachment parenting... you get the point. Most of the time, I shrug off differences with a simple, "this works for us."
While camping with family recently a friendly debate arose. Recognizing that we're the "hippies"of the family (we eat kale after all), I knew we'd fall further to the left on this conversation than some. But as we continued to talk, I realized how strongly I feel about teaching children the proper anatomical names for their body parts and here are a few reasons why.
It's a matter of health-- if a child is in pain or discomfort, we want them to feel comfortable letting us know. Saying "my penis hurts" shouldn't be any different than saying "my hand hurts." The better a child is able to explain what's wrong (to a trusted adult) the easier it is for us to help
Children are naturally curious-- to help instill confidence in themselves, it's our job as parents to teach them all kinds of things, including how their bodies work (even the parts that can feel awkward talking about). Stifling questions, or being vague can cause feelings of shame and embarrassment that will most likely backfire some day.
It’s a matter of trust. We want our children to trust us. If we avoid conversations about anatomy, we risk making our kids feel shameful or afraid to ask questions. It's important to keep all lines of communication open so that our kids can come to us with ANY question or problem that might arise. Obviously we need to be clear about when and where body-talk is appropriate. For example, at the dinner table is not the right time to tell your grandma that your penis is "really big in the morning."
These are words for safety- It's also important to teach our children that genitals are private. Using accurate words allow black-and-white instruction about exactly which parts should not be touched by others. Our general rule is that you can touch your own penis (in private), but no one else can, and you can't touch anyone else's (for now anyway). If, shudder to think, our children were ever victimized it's crucial that they be able to explain exactly what happened.
The reality is, if we don't teach our children about their bodies, then someone else will... it may be an older kid on the school bus, a more experienced partner, or, shudder to think, a sexual predator. I think it's crucial that we set that tone and make sure they have the correct information to make good decisions for themselves.
And don't just take my word for it, here's a great article about sexual abuse prevention that stresses the importance of accurate language.
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