I Talk to Myself... But Not in a Crazy Way

I’ll admit it! I talk to myself. I’m not the crazy lady you avoid on the sidewalk, I don’t talk out loud, or yell profanities. There was that time that I forgot that I didn’t have the boys with me and narrated my entire trip through the grocery store… “We need apples. One… Two… Three apples. Apples are red.” But that’s not what I’m talking about here.

As a mom, wife, employee, daughter, granddaughter, friend, I always often feel pulled in a million different directions. My mile long to-do list is constantly running through my mind and along with numerous requests from my little guys, and a few from the big guy. Mama Time is sought after in our house, as I'm sure it is in many others. It may a coveted seat on my lap, the spot next to me at dinner, snuggles at bedtime, or simply time together alone (ie, the big guy).

Sometimes, (who am I kidding? pretty much on a daily basis), I get to a point when I’m feeling so overwhelmed with sharing myself that I just want to run away. It's times like these that I turn to the little voice inside that calms me, reassures me that I’m doing ok and that things will get easier. I conjure up memories of my own mother, the most patient, kind and caring mama a girl could ever have asked for. I call this my Mama Voice.

Before you think I've gone totally nuts, let me give you a couple of examples:

Example #1: We're in the middle of the morning scramble. One kid's running around naked, eating an apple and the other one (also naked) is crying because the pants I've given him to put on are too cold. Too cold? I want to scream! WTF does that even mean? Enter the Mama Voice, "You are his favorite person in the whole wide world. You will soon be dropping him off at preschool, do not ruin his day by yelling... especially about cold pants!" So I rub the hell out of the fucking cold pants to warm them to an acceptable temperature.

Example #2: It’s 8:00pm, dinner is over, the kitchen is picked up, the baby is (hopefully) sleeping. There’s laundry to be folded, Facebook to be checked, toys to pick up, Candy Crush to be played, wine to be drank (drunk?)… you get the picture. There’s a lot of stuff I could/should be doing with this “down time.” Then comes the sweet little voice of my three year old, “Will you snuggle me on the couch and watch a show?” I want to decline, I have so much to do and I need some time to myself. BUT my Mama Voice pipes up, “He loves you. He missed you today. He wants to spend time with you. The rest can wait.” And so, I snuggle my boy on the couch... and maybe play some Candy Crush.

Don't let me fool you, there are times when the Mama Voice doesn’t win out. I give that bitch the finger and find solace in laughs with a great friend over nachos and margaritas!