To my friends without children...

Last week, Dadd-O and I took the boys to the movies (along with an extra buddy from daycare) and I also invited a friend/co-worker who doesn't have kids. Even though the boys were really good (like seriously, surprisingly good), as I juggled popcorn and Whoppers and Icees, while making sure everyone made it to the bathroom and got a seat they were happy with, she looked at me and said,

"WOW, your life is soooo different than mine!" Yes, yes it is.

If you don't have kids, chances are your morning routine looks a lot different than mine...

Most likely you got to use the bathroom alone. There was no one unrolling the toilet paper roll while you sat helplessly on the toilet, no one climbed onto your lap while you did your business, or asked questions about why you wear a "diaper."

My view from the toilet...

I bet no one snuck in while you were showering and karate chopped the curtain, scaring the shit out of you.

You didn't use Flintstones vitamins as leverage for teeth brushing or have the unique opportunity to pry open a tiny mouth and shove an electric Spiderman toothbrush into it trying to touch each little tooth at least once.

You only wiped one butt!

You probably only zipped one jacket, and put on one pair of shoes. You missed out on the experience of searching for missing shoes/hats/mittens/jackets that were right there last night. You didn't have to argue the value of winter boots over rain boots when temperatures are below freezing.

You didn't get to wrestle a toddler (who suddenly developed super speed and strength) into a five point harness, and you got to choose the radio station (only changing it if and when YOU wanted to.)

And lastly, you probably got to work on time...